Imagine that scene. Last month, you set a goal to exercise five days a week. I bought new sneakers, reinstated my gym membership, and even ordered some creatine from Amazon.
Everything was going well until I had a meeting a week early, a birthday dinner, and then a toddler illness three weeks later, and I missed one training session, then two. You started blaming yourself for your failure and threw in the towel right then and there in disappointment.
If this scenario sounds familiar, Steve Kamb, a Nashville-based fitness coach and personal growth writer, advises trying something different. It’s about giving yourself a little grace.
Kumbh, 41, is a personal trainer and founder of Nerd Fitness, an online fitness coaching company aimed at busy people struggling to meet their health and nutrition goals. His upcoming book, How To Try Again, is based on the lessons he’s learned over 17 years helping people create consistent workout routines.
In his book, Kambu outlines a simple formula that he recommends people refer to when their brains become mired in all-or-nothing thinking or self-criticism. He developed this with fitness in mind, but says it can be applied to any new goal or habit.
“I wanted to come up with something really memorable that people could come back to when their brains start to spiral and say, ‘I’m a loser. I didn’t make it to the end. I’m not going to make the changes stick,'” he said.
Kamb isn’t the first to advocate a thoughtful approach to goal-setting—he says his methodology is based on the work of behavioral science leaders and self-help authors—but his formula serves as a reminder that trying harder isn’t always the answer. “If tough love on ourselves was working, it would already be working,” Kamb said.
Steve Kamb’s PACT Official
“Try PACT. Pause, accept, change something, and try again,” Kambu said.
Kambu encourages clients to consider why they are having trouble sticking to their plans. mackenzie lareau
pause
If you’re having trouble sticking to a new habit, Kamb says the first step is to stop and reflect.
If you answer the questions, “Is this working for me? Do I really like it? Do I see myself sticking with it?” If not, give yourself permission to choose a different path, he said.
When life feels chaotic, it’s okay to get “stuck” for a while instead of striving for further progress. “If you don’t know where you’re going, or you’re just trying to get through the days, a really small workout, like a treadmill, a five-minute walk, or just writing a sentence in your journal to remind yourself that you’re floating, is perfectly fine,” Kambu said.
Kambu said that while he was writing his book, fitness was not his top priority, so he trained by treading water. It was about meeting his deadline. “I didn’t get stronger. I didn’t run faster,” he said. “Most things can be done with much less exercise.”
consent
The second step in PACT is to accept your current situation.
In an ideal world, we’d all be doing our best at work, excelling at the gym, eating nutritious, whole-food meals, and investing in our relationships, all while looking put together and taking care of our household chores.
In reality, life seems more chaotic than this, but we often work with some sort of constraint, whether it’s time, caregiving responsibilities, or illness. “The sooner we accept the messy, ugly reality of clothes on the floor, clutter in our homes, and the state of the world, the sooner we can start doing something different about it,” Kambu said.
change
The third step is to change something. “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get the same results,” Kambu says.
Start by investigating what’s stopping you from achieving your goals. Have you tried to go for a run every week but found it unenjoyable? Have you tried to exercise in the morning but realized it was making you miserable?
Once you have resolved what went wrong, you can try to achieve your goal in a new way. “It can be a different type of exercise, it can be a different nutritional strategy, it can be the same type of exercise, or you can exercise at night instead,” he said.
Try it for 30-60 days and see what happens. Kambu said he wants it to be approached as a “nonjudgmental experiment.” “Regardless of the outcome, that’s more valuable information that we can apply to our next attempt.”
try
The final step is to try it out. Kambu says trying new things can be scary, so it’s easy to fall into the trap of endless preparation and procrastinate. “It’s absolutely terrifying to be seen trying, especially if you’re trying in public.”
But only once we start, he said, can we finally move forward with this new thing.
Give yourself permission to “start somewhere ugly” and accept that you won’t get it perfect on your first try.